A Completely Non-Definitive Ranking of the Halloween Films

I've been a horror fan for most of my life, and I started watching them at a young age (probably younger than I should have).  It mostly began with watching the Universal Monsters on AMC's "MonsterFest" every Halloween.  In fact, my dad recorded most of them on VHS; I still remember the intercut segments of Whoopie Goldberg and Linda Blair standing in a haunting forest or swamp.

I loved all the Universal Monsters, but my favorite was always the Creature.  There was just something about the Creature from the Black Lagoon movies that I really enjoyed.

When I was a little older, I was allowed to watch the MonsterFest TV cuts of the Halloween movies.  I saw Halloween 4 and 5 first, and then I saw the 1978 original the next year.

Michael Myers in the new Halloween (Courtesy Ryan Green)

I was immediately hooked, and sought out all of them over the next few years.  I remember the last one I saw was Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers because it was never really on TV (and there's probably a good reason for that).  I secretly watched Rob Zombie's Halloween at 14, and I was able to go to the theater with a friend to see the sequel.

This October, I'll get to go to the theater as an actual legal adult to view a new Halloween movie - David Gordon Green's Halloween, a direct sequel to John Carpenter's original.

I make the Halloween franchise the first thing I watch every October, and I've decided to give my non-definitive (and slightly biased) ranking of all 10 Halloween films.

10. Halloween Resurrection

This movie is all kinds of bad.  I remember liking it when I first saw it because it was the most modern film in the franchise, but it gets harder to sit through every year.  Pretty much everything in this movie is bad.  The acting and dialogue is pretty bad, and the storyline is all over the place and doesn't really make sense.  

9. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

This movie is equally as bad as Resurrection, but it isn't all the movie's fault.  There are two separate cuts of the movie: the theatrical cut and the producer's cut.  Both films don't make a lot of sense and fall off the rails at the end, but the producer's cut might make a little more sense?  Maybe?  The whole production was plagued with re-writes, and the untimely death of Donald Pleasance didn't help matters much either.  And that's only if you can get past the fact that the jerk dad looks just like Biff Tannen from Back to the Future (but it totally isn't, I promise).

8. Halloween III: Season of the Witch

This movie isn't terrible.  I've seen way worse 80's horror movies, but I've seen better ones too.  Ultimately, this movie probably would have done better if it hadn't been labeled a Halloween movie at all, but I get what John Carpenter and Debra Hill were going for.  It does get bonus points for having Pittsburgh-native Tom Atkins in it.

7. Halloween II

I might be in the minority here, but I find Halloween II to be such a bore.  Maybe it's because I always view it directly after the original (and I mean directly after; it's always a double feature), and the original is just so much better.  Laurie seems completely helpless, unlike the first film, and the terrible wig Jamie Lee Curtis wears throughout the movie is very distracting.  I guess there's a reason why they're ignoring this film with the newest one.

6. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

This is about the point in the franchise when it starts to fall apart.  The beginning of the film starts off well, but by the end it's like a roller coaster.  The whole thing is saved by Danielle Harris' superb acting as Jamie Lloyd in what might be one of the best child performances in horror.

5. Rob Zombie's H2

I will always love Rob Zombie's take on the Halloween franchise.  You can fight me on it if you want to, but I really like what this movie does with the surviving characters from the first film.  Instead of taking place right after the first movie, this takes place a year after, and looks into the emotional trauma that someone would suffer by going through such a harrowing experience.  Sure, it goes off the deep end towards the end of the movie, but it's best to just let it happen and enjoy the ride.

4. Halloween: H20

This movie's a welcome return to the franchise (especially following Curse of Michael Myers), but it definitely seems stuck in the 90's.  It's a pretty good take on what Laurie Strode could be like 20 years after getting attacked by Michael, and she finally turns the tables on him.  She becomes a little unhinged towards the end of the movie as she chases Michael around and eventually cuts off his head.  But not really, because we had to get Busta Rhymes into this franchise somehow.

3. Rob Zombie's Halloween

Alright, time to anger some people.  I loved Rob Zombie's take on the Myers' lore.  He went deeper into Michael's messed up upbringing, and we got to see pretty much why he is how he is.  It's not the best in the series, but I enjoyed how brutal it was while staying somewhat true to the original.  I love this movie, don't @ me.

2. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

This was the first movie I ever saw in the Halloween series, and I've been hooked ever since.  Every year when I see this, it's like a nice return to simpler times.  I really enjoy Dr. Loomis running around the town like a madman the entire time, and Danielle Harris is impressive in her debut as Jamie Lloyd.  The ending of the movie actually has a pretty cool twist, which is then completely discarded in the sequel.

1. Halloween
The movie that spawned a new generation of horror, the original Halloween will always be the best.  Every sequel has tried to capture the magic of John Carpenter's original, and all of them have fallen short.  There's just something about the mystery behind Michael and his motivations.  I won't ever know what it was like to see this movie for the first time without knowing all the sister stuff and everything beforehand, but I still love re-visiting this every so often.  The fact that it was made on such a small budget by a couple of 20-somethings makes it even more impressive.

Thanks for reading!  Do you agree with this list?  Let me know in the comments below what you agree (and disagree) with!  Except about Rob Zombie's Halloween, I asked you not to @ me and I'd like you to respect my wishes.